The Crazy Relative

"[Bacchus's] ecstatic worship, characterised by wild dances, thrilling music, and tipsy excess, appears to have originated among the rude tribes of Thrace, who were notoriously addicted to drunkenness." The Golden Bough pg. 449

We wish we could have locked her in the attic. Well, I guess she did make it to prison now, but not before making the family awfully proud. To put into perspective what sort of cousin Andora is- whenever she does anything, everyone in my family looks at each other and says "Don't tell Grandma!" Perhaps crazy cousin Andora has been far too heavily influenced by Bacchus in her life. This influence manifested itself one fateful day in the summer of 2008.

This story takes place rather early in the day-2:30 in the afternoon to be exact. Cousin Andora had been imbibing quite a lot of alcohol at this point and was on her way home from the bar. She found herself stuck behind a line of cars that were stopped for construction. The delay simply wouldn't fly with Andora in her .26 Blood Alcohol Content state of mind, so she decided to take matters into her own hands. It is not clear whether she rammed two vehicles out of anger or drunkenness or both, but she still did it, and managed to flee the scene of the crime as well. In her attempt to bypass all of the construction traffic, Andora came upon a cop who was directing said traffic. When this unsuspecting stop attempted to stop her, he reportedly "heard the car's engine rev" and the vehicle came toward him. She hit his knee with the front bumper as he was jumping out of the way and got him on the shoulder with the driver's side rear-view mirror, causing him to spin around and fall to the ground. Someone wrote down the license plate number and my crazy cousin was hauled into jail. About a year ago, Andora was sentenced to four years in a New Jersey prison.

I wonder if Andora knew that she was being mythological in her drunken rampage. It takes an abstract sort of thinking to realize that, and I suppose her mind was in somewhat of an abstract state with the alcohol and all. I'm sure that cop would have a few choice words for the festive Bacchus had he known of his influence in my cousin's transgressions.